I have been grappling with a lot of new and foreign problems since Bryan was granted his age waiver and was accepted into the Army. If you go back through my past blog entries you will see the word “grapple” a lot. Since grapple essentially means “a struggle to grasp something,” it just seems to be the word of choice these days.

The concept currently stirring through my brain, of late, is that of the family dynamic and how it will be affected when Bryan leaves. His leaving has me a little concerned for both myself and the children, but his coming back also leaves me grappling with how we will all be affected. Don’t get me wrong here, please. I love my husband dearly, and he is a terrific father. We are going to miss him horribly while he is gone. I am struggling more with the concept of family re-integration and how that will play out in our lives when we are faced with it.

Families have adapted for Centuries to changes in the male influence in the home. Some of those changes have been positive and some not so positive to say the least. With all of my life experiences as well as my professional opinion, I will have to always stand firm that a father’s influence in the home is tantamount to stability and functionality. Men’s roles in the home have been greatly undervalued and down played in our culture and society for way to long, and at the expense of our future generations. I was a single mom for a period of time to my three sons. I know first hand the vital importance of a strong male in the home, and the emptiness that is there when such an influence is missing.

With Bryan’s leaving I am not as fearful as I was when I was a single parent. There is a huge difference between single parenting and solo parenting, and I think the differences are mainly laid out in the role of authority (especially where parenting is concerned). When I was a single parent I acted on my own parental and adult authority, and the responsibility of those decisions weighed very heavily on my mind and heart. I am not saying that I take decision making lightly now, but rather I am not the one fronting the brunt of the burden as I have been in times past.

I have gotten very used to, and very comfortable with, having a strong husband who is not afraid of his responsibility as a husband, father and leader. I am assuming that in his absence I will still feel a great deal of his support behind me. Whether it is actual or implied, I know I am not acting as a single agent. When decisions need to be made I know I will be mindful of his opinions and desires and carry those out to the best of my abilities until he gets home — again, both with the public and the private.

I am hoping that keeping his presence in the forefront will cut down on the struggles and frustrations of when our family is reunited and reintegrated. I know it will be hard for all of us at first. Patterns that are built up over a 9 month period are very hard to break. I will need the kids to realize that once papa is home he will resume the role he has always held and managed so well. As I have mentioned before Bryan is a strong presence in the home. I don’t want the kids to ever assume for a moment that now because his job takes him away that he is somehow less present and less willing to support, discipline and comfort.

I have found a couple of books on the family dynamic in the military. I am not sure what theoretical base they are coming from, so I can’t say whether or not I agree with them. I may pick one up and do a book review for it here on my blog. Until then, I hope you all have a blessed Tuesday! I am going out in the sunshine and fresh air today!

Tags: family life by Claire
1 Comment »

I have to give a huge “Amen to that!” to “Some soldier’s mom!” I stand with her 100% on the following statement!

“Veto the bill, Mr. President. I’m with you. No surrender.
To the Dems and RINOs: Back to the table. Give our soldiers what they need with no strings. If you really want to run the war, join the Army.”

Some Soldier’s Mom: VETO THE BILL, MR. PRESIDENT

Tags: politics, war on terror by Claire
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Suzanne Marie Myers
May 18, 1952 - December 15, 2006

April 29th through May 5th is National Brain Cancer Awareness Week. This year the week set aside to enhance awareness, educate about, and put faces with the disease has a deeper and more special meaning to me. Many of you are aware that at one point in my career I worked at a National foundation that funds pediatric brain tumor research and programs. Brain tumor patients will always hold a special place in my heart, and especially those young patients who are in for the fight of their lives!

This year I want to focus on two women who are special to me. One is a woman, Sue, who lost her battle to brain cancer in December of 2006, and the other is her daughter, Amy, who is walking a path of sadness and grief after her mother‘s death.

I had mentioned in a previous blog about the beauty of the Internet and how it has transformed the notion we have of “community,” and how we are now afforded the opportunity to know and care for people we may never meet face to face. Amy and I met on a message board for moms while I was pregnant with Emma three and a half years ago. Most of us had children around the same age, and/or we were pregnant together. We have never met, but we have done everything from throwing a surprise baby shower for a friend on our board (everyone purchased items and sent them to her on the same day), to having holiday gift exchanges, and some of us talking on the phone from time to time.

I get up every morning and start my day off with a “good morning” chat with my girlfriends on Amy and Jolene’s board. They are like my next door neighbors that I sip coffee with, talk about motherhood with, and lean on when I am discouraged. We have a great time together swapping stories, recipes, and pictures.

I will never forget the day on the board when Amy got the news that her beloved mom was going to be in for a fight for her life — a fight, unbeknown to any of us, that she would eventually lose at the age of 54.

Amy and her mother were very close. I remember when Amy told us that her mother had just recently started to build a new house near Amy’s so that she could be close to her and her three children. Amy was thrilled. Amy went over to the house while it was being framed and even inscribed sweet messages to her mom in the woodwork of the home. We all giggled at the pictures and enjoyed watching the progress of the house as the building continued.

Not long after Sue and her husband moved into their new home, Sue had a horrible headache — a headache that led her to the emergency room. Eventually the diagnosis came back. Sue had a stage IV glioblastoma, which is one of the more aggressive forms of brain cancer. Glioblastomas do not normally spread to (metastasize) other parts of the body, but the damage they wreak on the brain is tremendous, fast and irreparable. Sue died 11 months after diagnosis; and my dear friend has been left to try and come to terms with losing her mother, her best friend, and her supporter to a sudden, tragic and painful killer.

So, in honor of Sue and Amy I wanted to post this blog entry with some links of interest.

If you or someone you love has been diagnosed with a brain tumor and you are looking for support and information, please visit the National Brain Tumor Foundation.

For pediatric brain tumor information and support, please visit the Pediatric Brain Tumor Foundation.

If you would like to give a memorial donation to Hospice to honor Sue please visit : Riverview Health Care Hospice Facility, and give a memorial contribution in memory of Suzanne Marie Myers.

Tags: disease awareness by Claire
5 Comments »

This was a topic for discussion at RN a few days ago, and I wanted to bring the issue up here. I think we really should have at least one day set aside each month to remember the fallen, pray for their families, and fly our flags at half staff.

Please take a moment and read this poignant letter written by Sgt. Jim Wilt in Bagram. I was taken back to read that the military bases overseas were told to fly their flag at half staff for the students killed at VT, but not for their own fallen soldiers.

Soldier: Honor troops like Va. Tech dead

4/23/2007, 8:16 a.m. PDT By ALISA TANG The Associated Press

(excerpted)
Link to entire article

KABUL, Afghanistan (AP) — An Army sergeant complained in a rare opinion article that the U.S. flag flew at half-staff last week at the largest U.S. base in Afghanistan for those killed at Virginia Tech but the same honor is not given to fallen U.S. troops here and in Iraq.

In the article issued Monday by the public affairs office at Bagram military base north of Kabul, Sgt. Jim Wilt lamented that his comrades’ deaths have become a mere blip on the TV screen, lacking the “shock factor” to be honored by the Stars and Stripes as the deaths at Virginia Tech were.

“I find it ironic that the flags were flown at half-staff for the young men and women who were killed at VT, yet it is never lowered for the death of a U.S. service member,” Wilt wrote.

He noted that Bagram obeyed President Bush’s order last week that all U.S. flags at federal locations be flown at half-staff through April 22 to honor 32 people killed at Virginia Tech by a 23-year-old student gunman who then killed himself.

“I think it is sad that we do not raise the bases’ flag to half-staff when a member of our own task force dies,” Wilt said.

Earlier Blog entry regarding VT:
When Tragedy Hits Close To Home

Tags: memorial by Claire
1 Comment »

Mike got a moment to hop on line and chat with me yesterday. I just love hearing that sound of the door opening on AIM and then the following upswing “bloop” downswing “bloop” indicating messages are being sent. However the past few times the chats have been a lesson in frustration. In between each little bit we chat we kept getting disconnected. This happened about 7 times yesterday, and the final time Mike said “Mom if we get disconnected again I love you, but I’ve gotta sign out since I have early morning PT.” Shortly after that message we got cut off again. I was pretty sad. It was the first contact we have had in a while, so I was really pumped up about getting to chat. I put my laptop down and started to walk away when I heard that door open again. I grabbed the computer and sure enough it was Mike! He said:

“Mom, I couldn’t leave you hanging like that. I wanted to say good-bye and I love you.”
“I love you too son. You stay safe, be good as always, and sleep well.”

Then I got a disconnection message.

It reminded me so much of when he was little and we would say good-bye at school or at a friend’s house. Sometimes, he would run back for an extra hug good-bye. Yesterday I think I felt his arms hugging my neck when he came back.

I love you Mike.

Tags: Morale, communication by Claire
4 Comments »

I have been mulling over the various responses we have heard from our friends, family, loved ones and strangers about the news that Bryan has decided to change his career path and join the military. We have had the gamut of responses ranging from “What in the world are you thinking?” to “Why would you leave XYZ Company for the military?” Well there are a whole host of reasons, and I am thinking of turning the tables on folks. From now on when people ask “Why in the world did your husband join the military?” I am going to say “Why in the world would he not join?” I may go a step further and say “Why haven’t you joined?” **

The US Army is 231 years strong this year! Happy Birthday US Army! After much thought, careful deliberation and a long period of prayer, Bryan decided to join. There really is not a single reason for his decision, but rather there are many. The fact is the US Army offers a huge range of viable, competitive and fulfilling jobs. Where the notion came from that somehow the Army is a career that people take when they have failed at flipping burgers is beyond me. Nothing could be farther from the truth. My husband holds degrees in both Art and Science. He is an accomplished artist (refer back to an earlier post with proof of his awesome talent!), and he is very accomplished in the sciences where he boasts several patents and high esteem from his fellow colleagues at XYZ Company (I will refer to it as “The Company” from here on out). I find the insinuation odious that somehow the only people who would ever join today’s Army during a time of conflict are either too stupid or too poor to do anything else (please reference the likes of Sean Penn, Charles Rangel, and John Kerry for examples). It simply is not true and it is a huge insult to the talented, intelligent and conscientious military personnel that our Country is blessed to have.

Bryan has simply come to the top of his ladder at the Company. He is a good worker, has a spotless record, and is very smart and motivated. He had a few different directions from which to choose, but after Mike had enlisted Bryan decided to just peek into the Army’s options. It wasn’t long before this that the Army had officially moved the age waiver cut off to 41 for those with no prior service. Bryan is 40, and will be 41 in November. He began by disciplining himself and getting up each morning around 4am and doing the PT in the Army PFT handbook. When he felt he had reached a satisfactory level in his mind he moved it up a notch. Before long he was out doing 5 mile runs, push ups galore — and yes, sometimes he had Princess Hooah on his back for those push-ups asking him “Can you cry papa?” It was just like a Rocky movie only without the music.

After realizing that he has the physical ability and stamina to make the cut he decided to talk with a recruiter. I am sure that my husband looked odd walking into the recruiters station on that day. He was wearing business casual dress, he has graying temples, and is a very distinguished looking fellow. He truly is quite different than the men the recruiters normally look for. He is, as I have mentioned OLD. Older than me too. I just had to say that. So, with that said they started the process of signing him up. He did have the possibility of a direct commission into the Army Reserves, but he really longed for the “boots to the ground” time. He feels that in order to be the best leader he can be that he needs to have experienced BCT and OCS. Is it any wonder why I am madly in love with this man?

I never tell anyone that Bryan was given an age waiver. The truth is he earned the age waiver. He is very fit for his age. He really is in great shape, and probably is healthier than some younger guys who are less active. He was blessed with a naturally high metabolism, so he can eat his weight in food and still stay thin and healthy. He will enter into BCT with the automatic nick-name “Pops,” or perhaps “Gramps?”

I am ready too for the challenges that will befall me as the wife of an Officer. From what I read and gather, my social work skills will probably come in handy. Right now I have a huge concern over protocol and dress for events such as formal balls. I am sure that in time I will find my niche and become an integral part of everyday life on a military base somewhere. Call me strange, but the thought of getting to support the families of those who are deployed gives me great joy. I think it will be a very high honor to serve those who are serving.

Ultimately Mr. Hooah and I will find our places among the ranks… both the formal and informal, the silent and the spoken. We have only just begun this journey and we already feel a love and connection to our Army Family. So the next time you feel compelled to say “Why in the world would you join the military?” to someone, maybe you should ask yourself “Why not?”

Hooah! and good night.

**to our friends, family and loved ones’ credit they were simply shocked. I am really not addressing the people we know personally inasmuch as just making a statement regarding the general negative attitude that some people display toward those who choose a career in the Army.

Tags: family life, military by Claire
3 Comments »

I know that we were all shaken to hear the news of a fallen Blue Angel at an air show in Beaufort SC on Saturday. I have always been extremely fascinated with the Blue Angels and their absolute incredible precision in their craft of flying. This young man’s parents were in the crowd watching him fly in his first air show. Please say a prayer for them as they are traveling this road of grieving the loss of a son.

Tags: memorial, military by Claire
1 Comment »

Bryan’s mom is having cataract surgery today. I wish her well and I am praying for a speedy recovery. Between the patch that will be on her eye, and my swollen jaw, we will look like a couple of ruffians. We can call each other patch and stitches. I guess that’s better than things we have been called before.

I hope your surgery is successful and you recovery fast Granny!

Tags: well wishes by Claire
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