It’s all fun and games until someone gets deployed
I told my husband this little saying last night while I was sipping wine and feeling the pangs of having someone I love dearly preparing to engage in battle in Iraq. We have had many discussions of late as to the difficult emotions a mother goes through when her adult child is deployed. Of course I am sure that wives go through a very similar emotional roller coaster — I have never had a husband deployed so I can not speak to that experience.
I have learned one thing for certain through all of this — you really do not have a clue about the sacrifices of war, and the sacrifices of the military families around you until you have walked the walk. That doesn’t mean you can not be grateful for what they do, but I have never in my entire life struggled with the feelings of intense pride and fear all wrapped up into one bundle. Actually until Mike deployed I have never really felt those two emotions coincide for one particular instance. Maybe some mother’s feel these two emotions at the birth of their child. I think I was too ignorant when I had Mike to feel the intense fear (the pride was definitely there), and by the time my last one was born I was seasoned and experienced so I wasn’t really afraid — yet again the pride was there as at the birth of all of my children.
Frankly, the fear that I have struggled with the most is wrapped up in the fact that being a mom never ends. I know that we work for autonomy for our children. There is nothing more sad or pathetic than an adult whose wings were clipped by the very people who were to set him free, and who are to give him skills to fly so he won’t be devoured! I don’t rue or lament his independence at all. I am glad that he is his own man, and that he is now living life according to his convictions and conscience as God leads. Still as a mom I worry. Moms worry. Worry is our second nature. When I figure out what our first nature is I will let you know. Maybe it is the guilt nature… or the nurture nature, or the guilt you by nurturing you nature?
Until I figure all of this out I am sure I will have short finger nails!
I think you are handling this sooooo much better than I would be able too. I am praying for all of you everyday!!!
I believe that God gives a portion of grace according to our trials. Honestly it is not my own handling of it that gets me through inasmuch as it is God’s incredible grace and faithfulness that provides me with the ability to deal with each day!
I posted something similar to the following at A&J’s place once.
I really don’t know if anyone thinks they can handle a difficult time until they have to. I remember reading Corrie Ten Boom’s books — she was the woman whose family died in concentration camps during WWII for hiding Jews in their attic.
When Corrie was really little she told her father “Papa, I don’t think I could be strong enough to be a Martyr for God!” (she had no clue at that tender age what would lie in store for her). He told her “Corrie, when do I give you the money to get on the train? Do I give it to you a month ahead of time? A week ahead? or right when you need it?” He then taught his beloved daughter to have faith that God gives us the grace to handle the task at hand when we need it, not before.
So, if you had asked me 5 years ago if I could handle having a toddler at home, one in college, one in high school, a son going to war and a husband in the Army I would have said “NO way!” I know it will be challenging, but I have a lot of faith that we will get through it all just fine.
I also believe my men are following their convictions and living a larger life then they had thought they could. I am proud of both of them.
Dearest Clairebelle,
Those are the sweetest words I’ve read in a long time from a mother’s heart. You always have been good at clarifying that. That has been what has always drawn me to you in friendship. I always learn from you.
By the way…Congratulations on joining the army as a wife! You’ll do a good job! Darrell and I are excited for you guys.
God Bless,
Sandi Lynn
Hi Sandilynn! :) I miss you and I hope all is well in your home! We need to meet again very soon for a girls day out!