So, you think it could never happen to you?
Those of you who know me know that I hold a master’s degree in social work. For those of you who peek in on my blog and don’t know me personally I want to make one thing perfectly clear — I am a conservative social worker. Yes, I am a freak, and I own it. I want to clarify this so that those of you reading my blog and don’t know me are not nervously holding onto your children afraid that I am going to come and snatch them from you. I don’t want to take your babies from you, and I do not support the welfare state as it is in the least. OK, so now that we have that all cleared up, and you are at ease, I will continue on with my train of thought.
Also, please bear in mind that I am not reading anything related to my profession lately outside of grant guidelines, not to mention that the book we read most frequently these days is “Llama, llama red pajama.” So, I am pulling this all out of the top of my head. I am sure that contained within this blog entry will be plenty of evidence to prove my theory that with each child I give birth to I gain weight and lose I.Q. points.
I spent a good portion of my years as a student of social work studying the systems, structures, dynamics and history of both families and communities. The ties that bind people together cross the social, legal, and moral strata, and shape what we call family and community. Oftentimes when people hear the word “community” they associate it with a geographical area, or with a group of people with a shared interest (such as an “online community.”) I think that the Internet and our very mobile world has definitely redefined community and has opened the means to share this phenomena with those we may never meet face to face.
Some of the things that comprise a community of people include things such as a common vernacular, a shared value system, shared beliefs, and common experiences. These factors allow for a sense of empathy and understanding between community members. Without these factors You can have a more shallow community where things like sympathy, empathy and mercy are not demonstrated as freely between its members. I think of larger cities and larger schools where members are often segregated on a host of characteristics; where everything from language, clothes and socioeconomic class prevent a sense of bonding and empathy toward one another. Sometimes in these communities a tragedy can break these segregating norms, and change the dynamics within a community forever. Virginia Tech students are experiencing this now. I imagine that they have never known the need for family and community as they know it in the light of the horrors they are living through as they grieve the loss of their friends and loved ones.
With all of that in mind, I am interested in trying to flesh out this concept of the military community. It fascinates me. To be honest I have never been a part of a more loving, caring and dynamic group of people in my life (outside of my church family that is). So far what I have witnessed is an incredible amount of
fraternal bonds among male soldiers (as told by my son who now has hundreds of new brothers), and the sense of familial outreach and support that is extended to the soldier’s family — as I am witnessing both as a military mom and a military wife. I am new to all of this, so I am sure like any family I am going to find members of whom I am less fond than others — and I know I will be the less liked at times too, but thus far I am duly impressed.
The concept of this blog entry came to mind the other day when I heard a woman talking about a family tragedy. She repeatedly said “You just never think it can happen to you, you know?” That phrase stuck in my mind and I seriously heard it echo in my memory for the rest of the day. It took some time for me to really think through why it resonated so hard with me, and then I had my epiphany — it bothered me so greatly because I live with this constant realization that the death of someone I love dearly could indeed happen to me! I am realizing now that this is truly one of the bonds of the military families and why they are so close — even when your face is that of a stranger, your fears, hopes, and life experiences do resemble each other’s on such a level that you are instantly a type of family. Every fallen soldier suddenly looks a lot like you son, your husband, your brother, daughter, etc. Every grieving family is your own, and their heartache causes your own heart to be weighed down. I am realizing that when you have someone who is deployed you simply do not have the leisure of living at a level of consciousness that affords you the denial of any imminent threat of disaster.
Don’t get me wrong though. I purposefully steer clear of the news as much as possible. I can not dwell day in and day out on the fact that my son is in a war zone and facing an enemy who is both ruthless and relentless. However, with that said I can not allow myself to say the phrase “I just didn’t think it could happen to us.” The truth of the matter is I know it can. I pray without ceasing that it doesn’t, but I know that it very well could be me one day on the receiving end of life shattering news.
So, these are my thoughts so far on this topic. I promise to continue on with it as it develops more in my tired brain. Until said time I have a husband whose face needs a big kiss, and sons and a daughter who need hugging.
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