Wait ’till your father gets home!
I have been grappling with a lot of new and foreign problems since Bryan was granted his age waiver and was accepted into the Army. If you go back through my past blog entries you will see the word “grapple” a lot. Since grapple essentially means “a struggle to grasp something,” it just seems to be the word of choice these days.
The concept currently stirring through my brain, of late, is that of the family dynamic and how it will be affected when Bryan leaves. His leaving has me a little concerned for both myself and the children, but his coming back also leaves me grappling with how we will all be affected. Don’t get me wrong here, please. I love my husband dearly, and he is a terrific father. We are going to miss him horribly while he is gone. I am struggling more with the concept of family re-integration and how that will play out in our lives when we are faced with it.
Families have adapted for Centuries to changes in the male influence in the home. Some of those changes have been positive and some not so positive to say the least. With all of my life experiences as well as my professional opinion, I will have to always stand firm that a father’s influence in the home is tantamount to stability and functionality. Men’s roles in the home have been greatly undervalued and down played in our culture and society for way to long, and at the expense of our future generations. I was a single mom for a period of time to my three sons. I know first hand the vital importance of a strong male in the home, and the emptiness that is there when such an influence is missing.
With Bryan’s leaving I am not as fearful as I was when I was a single parent. There is a huge difference between single parenting and solo parenting, and I think the differences are mainly laid out in the role of authority (especially where parenting is concerned). When I was a single parent I acted on my own parental and adult authority, and the responsibility of those decisions weighed very heavily on my mind and heart. I am not saying that I take decision making lightly now, but rather I am not the one fronting the brunt of the burden as I have been in times past.
I have gotten very used to, and very comfortable with, having a strong husband who is not afraid of his responsibility as a husband, father and leader. I am assuming that in his absence I will still feel a great deal of his support behind me. Whether it is actual or implied, I know I am not acting as a single agent. When decisions need to be made I know I will be mindful of his opinions and desires and carry those out to the best of my abilities until he gets home — again, both with the public and the private.
I am hoping that keeping his presence in the forefront will cut down on the struggles and frustrations of when our family is reunited and reintegrated. I know it will be hard for all of us at first. Patterns that are built up over a 9 month period are very hard to break. I will need the kids to realize that once papa is home he will resume the role he has always held and managed so well. As I have mentioned before Bryan is a strong presence in the home. I don’t want the kids to ever assume for a moment that now because his job takes him away that he is somehow less present and less willing to support, discipline and comfort.
I have found a couple of books on the family dynamic in the military. I am not sure what theoretical base they are coming from, so I can’t say whether or not I agree with them. I may pick one up and do a book review for it here on my blog. Until then, I hope you all have a blessed Tuesday! I am going out in the sunshine and fresh air today!
Hugs and love to you and yours