Knee Deep in the Hooah!

I have been pondering the differences in griefs that we face as humans. Our griefs and our grief reactions are very different and are dictated by the perception of loss, either real, anticipated or imagined. I have actually watched clients grieve an imagined loss at times. For example a loss of a relationship that never really existed outside of a client’s imagination. The loss itself is real in that the client realizes she does not have the person that she loves, but the focus of the grief, an imagined love, is not real. Our grief reactions are also greatly impacted on our own grounding and ability to handle the unimaginable. Of course all of this is often compounded by the extent of tragedy and suddenness of our loss. This business of grief is a hard one to manage. I think that my own griefs of late are not imagined, but rather are of an anticipatory nature.

Anticipatory loss, for me personally anyway, is a very difficult thing to grapple with. As a Christian I do not think it is OK for me to dwell on the 1001 possible directions in which things may go. I think it is necessary to plan ahead, but there is a fine line between planning and worrying. Worry is a piece of luggage that comes with the whole anticipatory loss scenario, and unfortunately I think it comes with motherhood. I guess it sounds a tad Cartesian to say “I am mom, therefore I worry.” It is true though. Ultimately this worry feeds into the impact of grief. If we worry then we move from the realm of anticipated loss and into the realm of imagined loss. Imagined loss can be very troublesome and traumatic. Ask any mother who has a son in Iraq right now. She will tell you that every story that she comes across about a car bomb, an IED explosion, or a soldier being killed in any fashion, suddenly takes on a place in her mind about her own son. She grieves the possible loss of her son… some of that is an anticipatory grief… anticipating the worst case scenario, and it can easily become a full blown grief of an imagined loss if she does not reel her thoughts in and control them. Mothers have an incredible imagination when it comes to their children and safety.

God, in His incredible wisdom, gave us this tool that we call grief to handle and deal with the traumas of living. Life is a lesson in letting go, and grief is the vehicle that gets us to the other side of holding onto something, someone, or someplace that is gone. When we lose something we grieve so that the final closure is delayed until we are ready, emotionally and spiritually. Grief in and of itself is a hard, but still blessed thing, to experience. I know that may sound rather morbid, but let me explain why it is a blessed thing. Loss is inevitable in this life. It is going to happen to all of us at some point or another. When we face that loss and allow ourselves to feel the sadness and emptiness that a loss brings to us, we can find comfort in a reassuring knowledge that God will never leave us or forsake us. What a comfort! When we fight the grief process and cover those feelings up with distractions then we never really come to peace with a loss and we can fall into despair. We then become stuck, and can fall into a pattern of sin and anger. Grief is a vehicle that gets us from one scenario in life to the next. From having to not having. From hoping for one particular outcome to not. I have to reiterate here that a Christian grief is not rooted in hopelessness and nothingness, but rather it is rooted in the saving grace and knowledge that we serve a God who is all powerful, all wise, and who we never need to worry about losing. When you keep your heart focused on those thoughts, then suddenly you realize that there is nothing on this earth that you can lose that you can not face and mourn through. Suddenly an anticipatory grief becomes a little easier and lighter to carry.

I guess this particular topic is heavy on my heart right now due to my own adjustments of Mike being officially in Baghdad, and in Bryan’s leaving. I am anticipating how life will be when he is not home. I am anticipating how it will feel to reach over in the middle of the night and not feel him next to me. It is a sad time for me when I think of those things. I am so glad that I know I have reassurance in Christ, and that He will provide me with the strength, grace and wisdom to get through these days of sadness.

Tags: family life by Claire
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Well I am past my 24 hour post-op mark on my mouth. So far I feel pretty good. It hurts some, but not as bad as I thought it would. Of course Emma is acutely aware that I am feeling under the weather, and so she has strategically picked this time to push the boundaries to the fullest extent of my ability to address it all! I am convinced that girls with curly hair are just plain ornery.

I promised some pictures of Nate in a Tux over the weekend, didn’t I? Well, I don’t go back on my word, so here it is:

This is Nate with his good friend Betsy. Nate is a Sophomore this year, and Betsy is a Senior. She kindly invited Nate to be her guest at the Senior Banquet. I think that they are both incredibly cute! They got to ride a trolley to the banquet and then they hung out at a friend’s house for a nice get together afterward. All in all it was a very nice time and a time for them to celebrate graduation for Betsy.

Tags: family life by Claire
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I got a note from Mike last night letting me know that they made it into Baghdad sometime over the past couple of days. I am so glad that he got the couple of weeks in Kuwait to acclimate and adjust. That is about it for now. When he sends notes and pictures I will share some of that here. I have to admit that I am protective about his exact location since this is a public blog. So, you can count on hearing about his experiences and seeing pictures, but I am not going to be so quick to give details. I guess you can’t ever stop being a mother and being protective… even when they are in their 20’s and carry around big weapons. Ok, now I will take that “Cafe-Mocha-Vodka-Valium” to go please. :-)

Tags: updates by Claire
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I know, I know, friends don’t let friends post blog entries in a post-anesthesia and taking-hydrocodone-for-pain haze, but I couldn’t resist after seeing a headline where Cheryl Crow is pushing for Americans to use less toilet paper in order to stop global warming! I am about knee deep in disgust when I hear Hollywood types preach to ordinary citizens on how they can “cut back” on items so that they can save the planet.

What about the Hollywoodites (or Al Gore himself) who jet around the country in small private planes, and live in mansions the size of small countries? The resources they use up in one day will surpass my entire toilet paper usage in a lifetime.

I already live something called a “modest lifestyle.” I live in a modest home, and I turn off the lights when not in use. I keep my thermostat set at a moderate level because I don’t want to have to give my first born to the electric company for payment. These are just a few examples.

I am pretty sure that using all the toilet paper I need is not going to kill our planet, but According to Crow:

“I have spent the better part of this tour trying to come up with easy ways for us all to become a part of the solution to global warming,” she wrote April 19 on the Biodiesel Bus blog, according to a report by the Washington Post. “Although my ideas are in the earliest stages of development, they are, in my mind, worth investigating.”

Of course she is going to think that her ideas are worth investigating. I simply don’t get what else needs to be thought out. You come up with a lame brained idea and you execute it and look like a fool in front of the entire country. Ask Sean Penn. He is an expert at it.

“Now, I don’t want to rob any law-abiding American of his or her God-given rights, but I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where 2 to 3 could be required,” she wrote.

If these environmentalist liberals have their way we will all be unarmed people with limited toilet paper. It reminds me of all of the Cold War movies I have ever seen. They can have my toilet paper when they pry it from my cold, dead, hands.

Tags: Hollywood by Claire
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When things are tough always remember that they could be worse… Abba could be releasing a new album! Take heart, it’s only surgery I am facing tomorrow!

I have a tough couple of days ahead of me.

I will probably not get to stop in and blog tomorrow (Monday). I am scheduled for oral surgery in the morning, and will be recovering for the next couple of days.

I hope to be back by Tuesday sometime. I do want to let you all know that OUR HOUSE SOLD! Two weeks on the market and we got near asking price for it. Wow!

Until my brain has cleared from the anesthesia fog, I am leaving you with a few of my favorite quotes:

I have a few from Mark Twain, who I absolutely adore.

“Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty is a well armed lamb contesting the vote.” — Benjamin Franklin, 1759

“Rightful liberty is unobstructed action, according to our will, within limits drawn around us by the equal rights of others.” — Thomas Jefferson

“Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron’s cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their consciences.” — C. S. Lewis”

“I have a higher and grander standard of principle than George Washington. He could not lie; I can, but I won’t.” — Mark Twain

“I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.”– Mark Twain

“I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.” — Mark Twain

“We do not have to visit a madhouse to find disordered minds; our planet is the mental institution of the universe.” — Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Tags: family life by Claire
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It has been brought to my attention by both Granny Hooah and a few others that they haven’t posted on my blog because they do not have an account, and don’t really want to start one. So, in the interest of family, friends, and discussion I have changed the settings. I am going to moderate comments, but now you can send me a comment without an account.

So, comment away. I am waiting. Go ahead. Make my day.

Tags: blog settings by Claire
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Those of you who know me know that I hold a master’s degree in social work. For those of you who peek in on my blog and don’t know me personally I want to make one thing perfectly clear — I am a conservative social worker. Yes, I am a freak, and I own it. I want to clarify this so that those of you reading my blog and don’t know me are not nervously holding onto your children afraid that I am going to come and snatch them from you. I don’t want to take your babies from you, and I do not support the welfare state as it is in the least. OK, so now that we have that all cleared up, and you are at ease, I will continue on with my train of thought.

Also, please bear in mind that I am not reading anything related to my profession lately outside of grant guidelines, not to mention that the book we read most frequently these days is “Llama, llama red pajama.” So, I am pulling this all out of the top of my head. I am sure that contained within this blog entry will be plenty of evidence to prove my theory that with each child I give birth to I gain weight and lose I.Q. points.

I spent a good portion of my years as a student of social work studying the systems, structures, dynamics and history of both families and communities. The ties that bind people together cross the social, legal, and moral strata, and shape what we call family and community. Oftentimes when people hear the word “community” they associate it with a geographical area, or with a group of people with a shared interest (such as an “online community.”) I think that the Internet and our very mobile world has definitely redefined community and has opened the means to share this phenomena with those we may never meet face to face.

Some of the things that comprise a community of people include things such as a common vernacular, a shared value system, shared beliefs, and common experiences. These factors allow for a sense of empathy and understanding between community members. Without these factors You can have a more shallow community where things like sympathy, empathy and mercy are not demonstrated as freely between its members. I think of larger cities and larger schools where members are often segregated on a host of characteristics; where everything from language, clothes and socioeconomic class prevent a sense of bonding and empathy toward one another. Sometimes in these communities a tragedy can break these segregating norms, and change the dynamics within a community forever. Virginia Tech students are experiencing this now. I imagine that they have never known the need for family and community as they know it in the light of the horrors they are living through as they grieve the loss of their friends and loved ones.

With all of that in mind, I am interested in trying to flesh out this concept of the military community. It fascinates me. To be honest I have never been a part of a more loving, caring and dynamic group of people in my life (outside of my church family that is). So far what I have witnessed is an incredible amount of fraternal bonds among male soldiers (as told by my son who now has hundreds of new brothers), and the sense of familial outreach and support that is extended to the soldier’s family — as I am witnessing both as a military mom and a military wife. I am new to all of this, so I am sure like any family I am going to find members of whom I am less fond than others — and I know I will be the less liked at times too, but thus far I am duly impressed.

The concept of this blog entry came to mind the other day when I heard a woman talking about a family tragedy. She repeatedly said “You just never think it can happen to you, you know?” That phrase stuck in my mind and I seriously heard it echo in my memory for the rest of the day. It took some time for me to really think through why it resonated so hard with me, and then I had my epiphany — it bothered me so greatly because I live with this constant realization that the death of someone I love dearly could indeed happen to me! I am realizing now that this is truly one of the bonds of the military families and why they are so close — even when your face is that of a stranger, your fears, hopes, and life experiences do resemble each other’s on such a level that you are instantly a type of family. Every fallen soldier suddenly looks a lot like you son, your husband, your brother, daughter, etc. Every grieving family is your own, and their heartache causes your own heart to be weighed down. I am realizing that when you have someone who is deployed you simply do not have the leisure of living at a level of consciousness that affords you the denial of any imminent threat of disaster.

Don’t get me wrong though. I purposefully steer clear of the news as much as possible. I can not dwell day in and day out on the fact that my son is in a war zone and facing an enemy who is both ruthless and relentless. However, with that said I can not allow myself to say the phrase “I just didn’t think it could happen to us.” The truth of the matter is I know it can. I pray without ceasing that it doesn’t, but I know that it very well could be me one day on the receiving end of life shattering news.

So, these are my thoughts so far on this topic. I promise to continue on with it as it develops more in my tired brain. Until said time I have a husband whose face needs a big kiss, and sons and a daughter who need hugging.

Tags: family life by Claire
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Have you ever had one of those days where getting a single neuron to actually follow the projected path in which you aim to shoot it is next to impossible. Yeah… can you tell from that last sentence that I have had one of those days? I can’t put together a coherent sentence, so I will just list some of the random neural firings stirring in this brain of mine:

1. It dawned on me today that Bryan will not be around to kill the spiders. That stinks. Even when he is at work now I can at least lock a door or throw something ON the spider and he can clean it up when he gets home.
2. I hate it when it feels like you have to sneeze and instead your nose just burns like you just snorted a spoon full of pepper juice.
3. How is it that my toddler understands Newton’s 3rd law? For everything that I clean she messes in an equal and opposite way.
4. I didn’t know that Nate could look so handsome and grown up in a Tuxedo (pictures coming soon)
5. Noah is stressing.
6. I haven’t heard from Mike in more than 24 hours.
7. I am desperately trying to think of something to blog about so that my blog will not be without a new post today.
8. I am tired of not feeling well.
9. I am tired.
10. Good Night.
11. I am going to have a nightmare about spiders tonight. I just know it. **shudder**

Tags: Funny, Shack Pack news, family life by Claire
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