I am an inherent worrier. I come from a long line of worriers. We worry that we worry too much. I have spent the greater half of my middle adulthood fighting back the temptation of worry. Worry, fret and anxiety can easily become a way of life, and what they leave in their path is usually not productive, helpful or healthy.
I have learned that when I feel the stress butterflies fluttering I need to take a deep breath and evaluate the situation, starting with this question: “What is the worst possible thing that could happen?” That question is then followed by “What can I do to change it?” If there is nothing in my immediate control that I can do to change the situation then I just simply have to accept the worst possible scenario and move on. Worriers tend to get a little “hiccup” in their brain. They constantly think about and dwell on circumstances that are beyond their control, and they don’t stop there. They take it to the next level with worries about what will happen if their initial fears are realized. They borrow trouble from a future event that will probably never even happen. This becomes very problematic because it often leaves the worrier unable to act in the moment due to a paralysis caused by fear — fear of the unknown, fear of what could happen, fear of what might happen, and just plain old fear.
Since Mike’s deployment and Bryan’s absence in the home (both pending and immediate), I have had to really work hard to not allow myself to become overwhelmed with fear and worry. It is very hard as an inherent worrier to not let myself dwell on the possibilities of what my son is going through on the battlefield. The truth of the matter is my worries benefit neither of us a single thing. Prayer, on the other hand, has been my mainstay and keeps me going. In prayer I simply take a moment to reflect on God’s nature, His power and abilities, and I thank Him for all He has done for us already. I then can ask God to keep my men strong, healthy, safe and protect them from the danger around them. The burden, for the moment, is lifted. I have given my concerns to the One who is able to handle them.
After thinking about my worry problem I started developing a “top 10″ list in my head of the things that worry accomplishes. Here are my picks:
10. Worry erodes away at your faith:
When we focus on our own worries and fears instead of walking in faith we become very weak. Our faith is built on trusting in the sovereignty of God and His moment by moment provisions for us. Worry is damaging to us because it is an indulgence where we allow our mind to dwell on immaterial things instead of appreciating what is actually before us. When we dwell on what is good and before us we are more mindful in praising the One who gives us our next breath.
9. Worry can cause medical problems: Worry leads to stress and anxiety. Stress and anxiety have a negative impact on our physical bodies. We are fearfully and wonderfully made creatures. Within our bodies lies a wonderful autonomic system that reacts to situations instantaneously. When we are in danger we do not have to tell our adrenal glands to produce more adrenaline. Our brain sends the signal and it happens faster than the blink of an eye. When we worry we live with a tension in our bodies and our brain perceives that tension as a possible threat. Worriers live under a perpetual “fight or flight” mode. There are many good articles in medical journals that outline this very response and the detrimental effects that stress has on the human body.
8. Worry is a great waste of time:
Worry is a great way to waste your time! Yes, the vast majority of things we worry over never come to pass. Worry accomplishes absolutely, positively nothing. I have never met a single person who could say “Gee, I worried myself well!” or “I worried myself out of financial problems!” Worry captures your mind and imagination and takes you for a wild ride. Worriers tend to day dream or focus on what may or may not happen, so much so that they may not take care of present matters at hand.
7. Worry can be addictive:
It may seem a strange thing to say that worry is addictive, but it is true. There are those who feel that the only control they have in their life is this little thing called “worry.” I have had people tell me, when I worked in mental health, “I can’t stop worrying no matter how hard I try!” Just like any other substance that provides a change in our body’s chemistry, I believe that the feeling of being worried can be addictive. When we worry we become preoccupied, so much so that some may achieve an altered state of consciousness while they daydream about their concerns. It can be very addictive when the world of worry takes us, mentally, to a place where we feel more in control versus having to face the very real threats within our physical reality. It’s a form of escapism.
6. Worry is paralyzing:
We get nothing accomplished when we are worrying. Nothing. We tend to worry about all of the possibilities while we ignore and neglect the real problems that are right in front of us. Worry can induce “analysis paralysis” where someone will sit and analyze so many angles of a particular problem that they DO nothing, whatsoever, about it! Folks with this particular problem often wind up with a great deal of stress and anxiety because they have a constant backlog of real problems that are waiting for decisions to be made. They have worried themselves into a genuine mess.
5. Worry is a master:
Worry and the worrier have a symbiotic relationship. In this particular set up we have the worrier who needs to worry, and worry that needs the worrier to need the worry! The vicious cycle is very hard to break. Until a worrier gains control over her thinking, and reels in her thoughts, then she is captive to her worry. Our thoughts should not control us. We are supposed to have command over them, and not vice-versa. Until a worrier can stop dwelling on the possibilities then she is captive to worry.
4. Worry is a form debt:
Worrying about the future can calculate up to an emotional and mental debt. We ‘borrow’ from a bank of potential future happenings to pay for an immediate need of feeling in control. Worry, a lot like financial debt, comes with a lot of added costs. Worry does not, can not, and will not, change what may or may not happen in the future. It will, however, borrow stress and anxiety, and deposit it into your account. All the while you will be expected to pay service changes and interest with your health and peace of mind!
3. Worry is a thief:
Worry robs us of our daily peace and our daily gratitude for what we have been given. When we worry we are being robbed of the current blessings in hand, and we are swindled and hoodwinked into thinking that we are somehow protecting today with tomorrow’s concerns. Worry is a con-artist that often takes advantage of us before we even know we have been had.
2. Worry is a fantasy life:
I have already mentioned that worry is borrowing from possible future events. How do we accomplish this “borrowing?” It is done in our minds and in our imaginations. The worrier tends to think ahead of every possible situation. I would even dare say that most worriers dream ahead of even very improbable situations. They may start with a thought of a possible scenario, but before long they are worrying and being consumed with matters that will most likely never come to pass. They fantasize about all of the possible improbabilities. Instead of being rooted in reality, worry often winds up being rooted in fantasy.
1. Worry is a form of defeat:
I have a very wise friend who once told me “If you will just remember that the only control you have in this life is the way you choose to respond to the fact that you live in a crazy, unpredictable and sometimes scary world, you will be fine!” Worry is a form of defeat because worry means we have given up on what we actually can control, and we have chosen to hide our heads in the sand. Worry allows us to hide and insulate ourselves — while fooling ourselves into thinking that we are actually “dealing” with problems. Worry accomplishes nothing. Worry is counterproductive. Worry keeps us from acting in the moment when we can and how we should, and it keeps us focused on an elusive and uncertain future.
Tags: Morale, deployment, family life, mental health, military, worry by Claire
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