Knee Deep in the Hooah!

No, actually since becoming a mother 22 years ago my slogan has been “I am woman hear me snore!” or maybe “I am woman at the store!” Of course “I am woman face flat on the floor” is a given! The exhaustion is really getting to me these days. I do have a pretty easy day tomorrow though. Maybe I will find time to nap in between chores.

My to-do list for tomorrow is really not too hard to accomplish. Here it is:

1. Clean and organize my home. It will be so spotless even a germaphobe will roll around on my carpet!
2. Save a kitty cat from a burning tree and return him to his grateful owner.
3. I will make homemade cheerios, and shape each one by hand into a perfect little circle.
4. Cut my lawn with kitchen shears (they are so much more accurate than a stupid mower!)
5. Lose the other 10 pounds that I really need to lose — Yes, I will do that tomorrow.
6. Tone this body up now that it is thin again… tomorrow my abs will go from flabby to fabulous! I just know this is my day!
7. I will hang my American Flag out in the morning, and Emma and I will say the pledge and sing the National Anthem out front in our star spangled morning robes.
8. I will feed the hungry by 2 pm. I mean ALL of them!
9. I have to apologize for not dealing with the whole need for world peace. I will get right on that. It will be done no later than 7pm tomorrow. Thank you for your patience.
10. I will rescue a confused, orphaned bear cub, name him Simba — feed him from a bottle and have him ready for re-entry to the wild by 2:30.
11. I plan on repainting the house… inside and out. I also think I need to re-do the cement walkway. That can be done by 10:30 AM. It’s best to get those things before the heat sets in.
12. I will have Emma completely potty trained, obeying perfectly and proficiently speaking 3 languages (aside from English and toddlerease that is). We’ll worry about Algebra later.
13. I will host a dinner party for 25, and offer a 3, no 4, awh what the heck, 7 course meal! I will make little tiny individual cheesecakes with perfect swirls of chocolate and raspberry sauce.
14. I will single handily destroy the forces of darkness and the forces behind all of the horrible Elvis impersonators (Wait, I think that they are one in the same!)
15. Bake enough cookies to feed every single soldier that is serving, has served or is even thinking of serving. While I am at I will rivet a few planes.

Did I mention that I will be doing all of the above wearing pearls and pumps?

Well, you get the picture right? I tend to have very high expectations for myself. The sad part is they are unrealistic many times. Through God’s grace that is slowly being tempered, and my zeal for accomplishment is being focused on things that matter much more than homemade cheerios.

I have 3 very ripe bananas. I was supposed to make a banana nut bread tonight, but I didn’t. Instead I did my normal housecleaning (I really don’t let that slide). Then I painted Emma’s little toenails and fingernails for the first time. She was so cute. She couldn’t believe that her little toes (or piggies as she calls them) are pink now! We read out of her two new books, and we hid. “Hiding” for Emma is when I am holding her and my extremely thick and long hair falls over her face when I kiss her. My hair is so thick she can’t see through it when she is under it all. Yes, I am like Cousin It.

Any Martha Stewart wannabe can cut down a tree, process it into beautiful paper, home make her own ink and fashion a pen out of some obscure common household item, write the entire Constitution (from memory of course!) verbatim on it, in perfect calligraphy and frame it with a frame fashioned from the left over paper wood. Ha! I laugh at that. I have to deal with the Pirate everyday. Martha has nothing on me!

I do have an mp3 player with rock music on it. It really helps me when I am exercising. I am a musical person, so hearing a strong beat and fast tempo helps to keep me on track while I am doing my hour of cardio each morning. I always finish and do my cool down with the Pretenders’ Middle of the Road.

Tags: Junk Drawer //