Knee Deep in the Hooah!

06:30 and all is quiet on the home front. Too quiet for a seasoned veteran like me. I am not a veteran of foreign wars, mind you, but I am a veteran of the home front. I am in many occupation specialties, and I hold many ranks. I am the acting Commander in Chief, General, and every rank known down to Private. I am an Infantry soldier while I run after a busy and precocious toddler. I am Cavalry and my transportation is my noble Windstar (complete with empty sippy cups and toddler music galore — it could scare the toughest enemy!). I am in Artillery and I can launch a dirty diaper and hit the destination target faster than the speed of light. I am in Special Forces and my handle is “Stealth Mom.” I am able to walk down hallways past a sleeping child’s room more quietly than a feather on the wind. I put Spider Man to shame – he has no moves on me. I can go undetected by toddler radar for up to 20 minutes in the morning. I have also been known to know much more about a teenager’s friends than they thought I should know as well as their exact global location.

Legal services, medical, psychological and special equipment? Been there doing that. Oh, and let’s not forget about the Physical Fitness requirements. I can sprint faster than a toddler running through the toy isle at Toys R Us. I can jump baby gates like an Olympic runner jumping hurdles, and my life consists of a constant squat thrust as I walk through my house picking up toys, socks, shoes, and cheerios off of the floor. “Two steps, squat, grab, back up we go…” and the reps continue. All day long. Sit ups? Well I will have to actually have time to lay on the floor before I can tell you how many of those I can actually do.

Recruiting and retention have been successful. We have had 50% of our recruits stay until retirement, and we fully expect the other 50% to do the same. So far it looks as if this home base is being run quite well. I think we have earned a little R& R!

The curly headed pirate is gone for the day. She is at a sister base and will receive some additional training from another unit. So, today this veteran mom is actually off duty. My house is spotless, laundry done, and the baby is away. I think this calls for a pedicure, a nap and maybe a hair cut. I may even have time to work on my buffet today. Maybe I will even get it completely sanded. Oh, a Stealth Mom can dream!