Do you remember?
I was chatting with a friend when an analogy came to my mind about how I would feel when I see Mike for the first time after 7 months of deployment. I told my friend that the emotions, feelings, and anticipations are a lot like when you are in the delivery room at the hospital. Remember all of those firsts?
Moms and dads, do you remember?
Remember when you heard that first little cry that signaled to you that your baby was doing well and was strong and healthy? Remember when you held your baby for the first time? You had never met this little person face to face, but he fit snug in your arms as if your arms were created solely to hold him. I can remember knowing him the first time I saw him, and knowing that I loved him beyond words and earthly measure. I remember leaving the hospital with him and then having to face that first fever, first cut, scrape, bruise, break, bloody nose and stitches. I remember it all.
I also remember that strange urge that over came me the day he was born. This silly urge that so many parents relate to. I remember counting his fingers and toes. I needed to see that he was alright. It had nothing to do with the measure of love I had. He could have been born with too many or too few — I would not have, could not have, loved him any more or any less. I just needed to see that he was OK, and I needed to know if he had anything evident that would indicate a challenging path ahead for him.
I am already dreaming about the airport terminal when he comes home. I can hear his laughter, I can hear his voice, and when I hug him he fits in my arms in a way that feels as if they were fashioned solely to hug him and welcome him home. I remember his first cut on the battlefield. I know I will need to “count his fingers and toes” in a symbolic way. It’s not a matter of a measurement of my love for him. I love him the best way I know how… I can not love him more and will not love him less. I just want to touch his face, hug his neck and see him eat and watch him rest. I will remember, in the not so far off future, all of the new “firsts” we will face with this life changing experience called war.
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