Do you ever get an itch on your back that is deep, painful and unreachable? I get them from time to time myself. It doesn’t happen often, but when I get an itch like that I want to rub against anything that will deaden the nerves that are agitated. Heck I would rub against a cactus if it meant getting that sensation to go away. It’s a strange pain. It’s an elusive pain, and a really bad deep itch will only respond to an equally deep scratch — the type of scratch that temporarily damages the nerve that is sending that neural impulse. We have to paralyze the source of the pain, sometimes that is painful in and of itself, in order to get relief.
The itch that I am feeling this morning is not one on my back or on the tip of my nose. It’s an itch that goes much deeper than that. It’s the occasional “deployment itch” that develops in my mind. It is deep and painful. It’s elusive. I work hard to scratch it, but often the only thing that relives this itch is time, tears and activity.
I sometimes avoid the itch from flaring up by telling myself that there is really no reason to itch at all. Things are calming down in Iraq lately, right? He’s coming home soon for leave, right? See, no reason to itch, right? I know it’s wrong. My last entry I even scolded myself for being so arrogant as to think that somehow bad things weren’t allowed to happen in the homestretch of a journey. I am not sure what to do with this information. See, I can’t scratch that itch with my old self-soothing idioms and pretenses.
The itch can hit at any time. I can be driving along thinking about my ever growing grocery list, and boom! Out of nowhere the itch hits, and suddenly my own clothing feels uncomfortable against my skin. I feel raw, I feel squirmy, and I feel like I want to scream and cry all at once. Suddenly in my own mind I can see my son in my mind on the battlefield. I know he is in danger, and there’s not a damn thing I can do. How do you scratch an itch like that?
Then there are other times when I can feel the itch creeping on me. It does not hit sudden and out of nowhere. Sometimes it appears because I have rubbed up against something that brings the itch on — something like a news report, a picture of the sandbox, or a story of an injured soldier. It can bring on an itch faster and worse than any poison ivy ever could.
Instead of reaching for potions and lotions for this mental and emotional itch I can only do a few things to get true relief. First and foremost, I pray. Sometimes I pray and cry at the same time, but prayer is my first recourse for relief. Crying is often involved, and so is a distraction. That distraction can range from stripping and refinishing furniture to running. What ever that distraction is I am dedicated to it always being beneficial and not detrimental.
This coming Tuesday I will take Mr. Hooah! and hand him back over to the authorities who are awaiting him at Uncle Benning’s Camp for Wayward Husbands. At least when he is home and I get the itch he is here to help scratch it a little. When he leaves I will have a new itch on top of the other, and it looks like I will be left to scratch those itches alone. That’s OK. I knew that this would be part and parcel to the package deal when Mr. Hooah! joined. In the meantime I have two more nights with him before he goes back, so please pardon my brevity, but I have important matters beckoning for my attention.
Tags: Army, Army Mom Posts, Shack Pack news, combat, deployment, family life, military, war on terror by Claire
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