Human connectedness and resiliency are believed by many to have a strong positive correlation. Resiliency theories are often very complex and complicated, and they should be. I don’t think that resiliency can ever be argued on a nature versus nurture basis, but rather it is more noted as being on a continuum without an absolute polar on either end. Both personality type and social upbringing deeply impact the amount of resiliency that a person has, and sometimes resiliency is simply a mystery. I have studied cases that left me scratching my head and wondering what combination of the variables left a certain client able to cope with extreme tragedy when it appeared as if the odds were stacked against him in every way. As a woman of faith, however, I am not a betting person. I simply have to accept through faith that there is much, much more to the picture than I am able to see or understand. Human behavior and our mental/emotional capacity is absolutely amazing to witness in those who are under extreme stress or have faced extreme difficulties. It always amazes me to watch God’s plans and ways unfold in the beautiful mechanisms He has so generously placed within the minds and hearts of men.
Humans are not born into the world alone or unconnected. We are not hatched, nor do we form outside of a mother’s womb. We are conceived and we grow within another human body, and that person holds us physically close to her heart for 9 months. At the time of birth we are handled by human hands, and we hear human voices. None of this is automated and from this moment forward we experience life through loving hands that touch, a voice that speaks to us, smells that become familiar, tastes that nurture our growth, and the warmth of the people who have been entrusted to care for us. Barring any abuse or neglect, we grow up with a sense that the world can be a place where others can be trusted. You grow to be wise and understand that you can’t trust everyone, but you are instilled with a very intuitive sense of basic trust that allows you to continue this life of human connectedness with others who may share your faith, beliefs, preferences and values. Even for those with whom you have nothing in common, is often extended an amount of this trust and mutual empathy simply based on the fact that they are human. It’s a beautiful gift.
I have started pondering a lot about human connectedness and its importance to soldiers who are at war. It is driving home for me the understanding that families have of the importance of continuing to reach out to their deployed soldier and “touching” him from home with familiar sights, sounds, tastes, and words. I have no doubt, whatsoever, that this form of reaching out and reinforcing the bonds of family during a time when a son may be feeling the most threatened, will be an important part of the springboard for allowing him to vault back into life after redeployment. There is another resource at play though, and it is extremely important — I would not say it trumps the family, but there is nothing else that can replace it. Family love and support is unique to the scene because a family will contain for a soldier a safe haven back home. The family will contain a lifetime of memories and a form of acceptance at a level where a soldier can let his guard down and know, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that his family will care for him. He has another family now that does this for him as well.
I am enjoying spending time with my son — actually that is an understatement. I am loving it. He is great. I do not see changes to his personality, but rather changes that are outward signs of his new life experiences. To say that I respect him as a young man is another understatement. The amount of respect and confidence I have in him has greatly increased over the years, and this visit home reminds me of how my capacity for respect and confidence in my son will continue to grow. We are pretty close. One thing I really love to hear him talk about is his deep care and concern for his fellow soldiers. Hearing him talk about his military brothers the way he does reminds me that the importance of bonding does not end with a soldier’s family — it continues on and a new bond and allegiance is forged out of common ground, common experiences, empathy, respect and sharing a long moment in life in the battlefield. Even in the most micro-focused moments in the battlefield I know my soldier has immediate purpose and meaning attached to his actions. The bond that he has developed with some of his fellow soldiers has given him brothers to protect and brothers to fight for.
I think that awareness can sometimes telescope from the macro and global out to the micro and personal when it comes to realities, and that includes war. I can not imagine that every time a soldier is out on a mission he is thinking to himself “I am serving my Country. I am fulfilling my calling and my duty.” An individual does not think in macro terms like that on a moment to moment basis, and especially when they are thinking of an immediate reality that impacts them so personally. This is why I am beginning to appreciate the bond between soldiers on a new level. My son’s views of the war may not be as global since he is dealing with the war in the immediate. In the inner-most dealings of this war I know he feels a deep sense of duty to his fellow soldiers — and in expressing this sense of duty, he is also serving his Country. By fulfilling his duty on the micro level, he is in fact fulfilling it on the macro level as well.
When our sons come home from war they do not come home unaffected. I think that we, as parents and loved ones, tend to brace ourselves for the anticipated fallout of PTSD or other physical issues that may have occurred due to experiences in the battlefield. Maybe there are some things we can anticipate that are actually good — there are strengths that will exist due to his experiences, and those are things that can be built on to secure his footing when he returns. These strengths will consist of the skills developed and honed in from daily use in the sandbox, but one of his largest assets he will have will be his sense of connectedness and the bond he has with other Veterans. He will have a cohort group that he can relate to, and these will be people that will understand him when others may need an explanation. Blood may be thicker than water, but I think that the ties that bind our Veterans together make up the difference 100 times over.
This concept of brotherhood is not only naturally occurring camaraderie between soldiers, but it is a form of self-preservation. Sometimes we crave the thing we need the most, right when we need it the most. We may not even realize that we are seeking it out at the time. Our soldiers know that the bonds they create are vital in many regards. It serves them well in many capacities, and it may be a cardinal resource that helps to lead them safely back home and aids them during their time of reentry adjustments.
Tags: Junk Drawer by Claire
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