When to surrender?
I have not updated in quite a while regarding Bryan and his fracture. He is making some progress with his physical training and I think that considering he never had any physical therapy he is coming along fine. We go to the gym most days (he goes every other) and run on the tread mill. This past weekend I was able to talk him into running/walking a 5K around a lake with me. We both could run/walk it in a reasonable time. He is no where ready to take an APFT or anything, but hey he has to start somewhere, right? After all his APFT score was good and it didn’t come over night. He had to train, so train is exactly what we will continue to do.
His overall health is good, but I can tell he’s antsy and needs to find something outside the home to do. He has some temporary work coming his way, and I think it will be a huge relief to him. Not to mention that after spending endless days with the very lovely, but ever so precocious Princess, he thinks that OCS was a cake walk by comparison. I have a feeling he may be right! A little extra spousal appreciation is always a nice thing to come by.
So, for now we will just keep plugging away, and we will see what that hip lets him do. He’s a pretty strong guy, so I will be surprised if it holds him back at all. Now the bigger question is, did we lose momentum? We have such a limited time frame and we have spent some of our padding of “extra” time not to mention our padding of living money. Will he be able to make that “one hell of a recovery” or will be looking at his scar 10 years from now still scratching our heads and wondering “what was that all about, anyway?”
It’s still a little surreal to both of us, but it’s slowly seeping into our reality and being integrated as one of our experiences. It’s hard when your life is turned upside down and you go through months of training and indoctrination to have it suddenly stopped. It’s also hard when you have been gearing your home up for months and preparing for the first PCS, studying, learning, connecting, and suddenly you don’t know where you are going to be living in a few months.
As I have said before it’s really arrogant for me to think that I really know what is going to happen one moment to the next. I read a quote the other day that asserts “We plan. God laughs.” I don’t know if God laughs at our planning or not, but I am sure that in our finiteness and our futility we must look pretty pitiful trying to manipulate the earth and sky to do what we think we need it to do. Shoot, we must look pitiful in our attempt to even declare that we truly know what we need, yet alone try and make it all happen exactly as we have planned.
I am tired of wrestling, personally. Unfortunately in the case of wrestling my body and spirit are both willing and weak. That’s a bad combination. Maybe it’s time to surrender and just rest in the knowledge that the one thing that has really changed is my own awareness of my limitations. Again, I don’t think that is so bad, really. I would rather look like a fool to those who are proud, by admitting that I am limited, than proving myself a fool to everyone by insisting that my limitations have no limits.
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