Knee Deep in the Hooah!

Iron sharpens iron; So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend. (Proverbs 27:17)

I am carefully walking a narrow beam that will take a lot of wisdom, patience, and love to navigate. It really is not so far off of the ground that an error would cause me to plummet to disaster, but it feels that way. I have no doubt that an error would at least be painful, and it could cause some bruising as well. The trick to walking this beam successfully is to use all of the resources you have at your disposal, and that includes ingenuity and compassion. You have to take a quick inventory to make sure you neither overestimate or underestimate your reserve.

As a wife I have a vital role in the encouragement of my husband. All wives hold this position whether they want to recognize it or not. I can no more deny my role as my husband’s helper and exhorter than I can deny my very ipseity. I really am, of course, an individual, but I am also one with my husband. I took vows as such, and I intend to live true to those vows to the best of my ability. I am facing an impasse right now that challenges me in every way possible to be a careful exhorter. Basically, now is not the time for careless words or careless actions. It’s not like there is ever a great time for carelessness, but there are certainly times when it has the potential to wreak less havoc than others. Times when you are dealing with a bruised spirit are times that call for very careful words and expressions.

I have mentioned in update posts that Mr. Hooah! and I are both finally integrating this whole experience and the dust from it all is beginning to settle. At this particular point in most life-upheavals the dust can be a very nice smoke screen or cloud that blocks you from seeing the harder realities set before you. I think it is akin to the shock and disbelief you go through when you are grieving deeply. I wouldn’t say we are grieving deeply, but we are finally assimilating all of this new information into our knowledge base. We are having to look at the hopes and compare them to the backdrop of the realities. Sometimes the two do not match up — this is something the dust was able to hide for a while.

We are not giving up, but my husband is in a conundrum. He simply would never consider, for a moment, pushing us to the brink of financial ruin and disaster, and he is feeling the crunch now to the degree of feeling trapped between a rock and a hard space. He has never been one to float through things. He feels the need to be established vocationally somewhere — the Army would be his choice, but we don’t know if and/or when that will work out. What’s a wife to do? I am in the position to either be a serious thorn of discouragement to him, or to be used like a healing balm. I also have the double edged reality that I want to apply healing balm to everything, whether it’s good for the wound or not.

My husband is tough and strong. He is a lot like iron. I don’t think that a lot of people know that about him because he is not one to put on a show of false bravado. I am pretty strong, and I probably do come across as tougher than I really am because I do depend on bravado at times as a means to encourage or bolster my own confidence. I guess we are probably very good for one another in that regard.

My difficult position is trying to figure out how to encourage and incite a tired and bruised up spirit to the point of once again believing that it’s not too late. If I over play my comfort card then I run the risk of being patronizing, and patronization is the last thing a wounded soldier needs. If I over play in the opposite direction then I err on the side of impertinence. It’s not that it’s a “lose-lose” situation, but rather it’s a delicate operation. If done correctly and well the outcome is wonderful, but if it is done with neglect then the outcome is disastrous.

While it’s true that iron sharpens iron it is also true that brittle iron can shatter if it is hit too hard or too often. I have to explore how I can continue to sharpen the countenance of my friend, and know when and how to offer that strong and tough resolve — as well as possess the wisdom to know when the healing balm is more appropriate for the wound. Do I get tough and push him to prepare himself for more risks, or is part of being an instrument for sharpening a countenance include patiently watching the struggle while the elements surrounding us do the actual sharpening? It feels a lot like the letting go I have had to work so diligently at since Mike left for Iraq more than 8 months ago.

This is the beam on which I am standing. Whichever way it goes I will walk away a more seasoned and wiser inciter of determination. Not because of what I do or don’t do, but rather because I can witness my own limitations while watching God unfurl the plan set before us.