February 19, 2008
Posted by Claire
Help Wanted
One very frustrated and tired voter is desperately seeking a Presidential Candidate who can fulfill the duties of the Office of the President of the United States and Commander in Chief of the greatest military on the face of the planet. Over time, flexible hours and a deep sense of patriotism is required.
The job requires the following skills and knowledge base:
- An in depth knowledge of the Constitution of the United States and a deep understanding of the history of our Country. Knowledge must be accompanied by a deep desire to uphold said Document and respect said history.
- The ability to appreciate good Generals and their advice and leadership on wars (present and future).
- The ability to balance your own budget without taking money from other people (aka: citizens). Possessing a personal budget that looks like an average person is a plus.
- Must have passed “Introduction to Economics” in college with an A+, and have a basic understanding of “Supply and Demand” theory and its reciprocal impact with Federal government involvement.
- The ability to say what you mean and mean what you say.
- Must possess a spinal column.
- Must have a good understanding of the boundaries of Government, and absolutely MUST understand that he/she works for the tax paying citizens of the US and not the other way around.
- Must have good public speaking ability, and must be able to deliver speeches that motivate and encourage the citizens of the USA (this also ties in closely with the “mean what you say” aspect of the job as well).
- Must possess moral authority.
- Standing up to the fickle winds of political correctness is absolutely required.
- Must understand the basic functions of government and be able to construct an action plan to put the scope of the federal government back to where it belongs. Must also understand that the following functions are not the job of the Federal Government:
- welfare
- health care
- bailing people out of financial problems when they overspend on their budgets
- putting a chicken in every pot
- putting a pot on every stove
- legalizing pot
- regulating stuff
- turning a blind eye when people invade our Country everyday by illegally crossing our border
- taking citizens’ hard earned money for the “common good”
- taking citizens’ property for the “common good”
- telling citizens that they can not have a gun or protect themselves
- promising citizens that you will keep them safe and tuck them in at night
- promising citizens that their wildest dreams will come true under your leadership
- treating citizens like stupid, blind, sheep
- allowing the treasury to print more money so we have more to spend
- Cowboy boots and hat are optional
- A love for and appreciation of Ronald Reagan is not optional.
- If you have ever used the words “Hope” “Change” or “I promise…” in a campaign slogan you are automatically, unequivocally-with-out-a-doubt totally and utterly disqualified (you should have your butt kicked by someone from Texas too).
Only serious inquires need apply. I am too flippin’ tired to thumb through a bunch of applicants who are just as crooked, out of touch, and self absorbed as the current applicants. Also, if you have ever appeared on MTV to “rock the vote” you should have your butt kicked again by two Texans — and don’t bother applying here.
19 Comments
February 19, 2008
I will do the butt kicking if you can find someone to fill this vacancy.
February 19, 2008
Miz Claire,
If only this could be the criterea for the next applicant. YOU hit that nail right on the head….with a sledge hammer!
Can I nominate you or Mr.Hooah!??? PLLLEEEAAASSSEEE!!!
February 19, 2008
Great post. I have really struggled with this election figuring out who I would want as the next president.
I had to laugh when I read the one that said “Must possess a spinal column.”
I also really liked the “..following functions are not the job of the Federal Government:”
Its so true.
Great post…If you actually hear of any candidate that fits at least half of those let us all know k
.
Jade
February 20, 2008
LOL! I loved the last bit about ‘Hope’ or ‘Change’…
February 20, 2008
You’re submitting this to newspapers and media outlets throughout the country?? Add the task to your ‘to do’ list please! Great post!
February 20, 2008
Did I hear a nomination for me!?
I’ll take it! Write me in.
February 20, 2008
I think I may have to actually submit this to all of the major news papers. I am glad you all liked it. Definitely let me know if I forgot anything. I can always amend the ad!
Oh, and Mr. Hooah! haven’t you had enough adventure for one year? :p
February 20, 2008
This is great! One more item to include would be a good understanding of basic economics as it pertains to supply and demand as well as how it plays a role in the government. I am not sure how you would word it though.
Mr. Hooah, if you qualify, go for it.
February 20, 2008
Oh, but Miz Claire, What an adventure for a lifetime!!!!
So is Mr. Hooah! saying that he would consider it? Oh Yeah! A hot time in the old town would begin. HOOOAHHH!
February 20, 2008
KY Woman, Law, honey! Don’t encourage that man!
He would make a good President, but he’s still too young. (I just had to say that since he doesn’t hear that phrase any more at this stage in his life! haha!)
Jane, good point! I will have to amend it and put that point in right with the balanced budget point. I will have to post a link here to an awesome sermon I heard last Sunday at Church about why a loaf of bread costs $3. It’s not about supply and demand exclusively, but it is about Theology and economics! Good stuff!
February 20, 2008
Good Stufff!!! I want to think most people agree with these qualifications however I am beginning to doubt. Keep up the good work Michelle , I mean Claire!! Bulldog Out!
February 20, 2008
Excellent post!!!! I am looking for a Candidate like this too but am seriously doubting whether I will find one (sigh!)
February 21, 2008
Don’t encourage me? Oh no. By all means. Please, please encourage me! I’m certainly as qualified as the current bevy of candidates and probably have a longer list of accomplishments than Obamarama.
February 21, 2008
Mr.Hooah!
So what are you waiting on? An invitation?? Just do it!!
We be behind you all the way…..
Oh, and tell Miz Claire it would make wonderful blog fodder.
February 21, 2008
Bulldog, Thank you for your encouraging words! I hope we find one, but I am doubting it too! It’s good to see you and I hope your soldier is doing well!
Aimee, I get very sad when I think about the current condition of our Government and where it is headed. We have to hold onto hope and pray a lot!
Mr. Hooah! and KY Woman — you two must be siblings separated at birth!
Well, that is a good point about the blog fodder. Hm, OK, you can run for President, but only if I get to blog and call it “knee deep in the ….” I am not sure yet how to finish that one! lol
February 21, 2008
Miz Claire, nope, not seperated siblings, just long lost cousins. We should really check into that family history thing.
Mr.Hooah! now you have the blessing of the Boss, whatcha waiting on? Then I could say I was related to 2 presidents. The other being the 14th. from my Daddy’s side, the Pierces’.
Hmmm, Knee Deep in the USofA?? or maybe, Knee Deep in the “Prez seyz”??
Or maybe not… will keep pondering on it.
February 21, 2008
I know a couple of names that would not fit… “knee deep in the taxes!” nor would “knee deep in the government programs” work! Maybe “knee deep in democracy!”
February 21, 2008
Claire,
I await the post on the sermon, sounds interesting.
February 21, 2008
How about “Knee Deep in the Brew-ha-ha”? No?
“Knee Deep in the Dung”? “Knee Deep in the Dew”? Crew? Blue? Red, white, & Blue?
I know. We’ll appoint a PAC to come up with a name.
In the meantime … I gotta get started on becoming a “write-in”.
)
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