The Rogue Army Wife’s Guide to Precision Cleaning
I once covered the issues I have with the big green ugly Army socks, but today I want to tackle another issue. “The Stinky Summer Beret Blues” is what I am talking about. I have noticed this topic coming up within a few of my Army Wife circles.
The Army beret is made of wool and therefore it should not be tossed into the washing machine and then the dryer (unless, that is, your little one wants a cute beret for her Barbie Doll.) I know that most wool can be gently soaked in a cool sink with a little Woolite. Some wives say to soak the beret and then have dear husband wear it until it’s dry in order to reshape it. Some spray it with Febreeze at the end of each day.While others have a few different berets and they take them to the dry cleaners on a regular basis. We also have the modern wonder of the home dry cleaning bag.
Of course, then there is this certain band of Rogue Army Wives. I happen to belong to this group. When washing the beret and spraying it with Febreeze does not work, I recommend the following:
1. Remove said beret from your husband’s head (no matter how angry you are at him at the moment take the beret off!)
2. Tell said husband to go to Ranger Joe’s or the nearest equivalent in your area and get a new beret “just in case” he should need it after you attempt to clean his current one.
3. Put on a pair of flame retardant oven mitts (don’t look so worried, this is just a precautionary measure).
4. Pour this onto the beret.
5. light one of these and throw atop pathetic beret.
6. Place thumbs in apron, smile and maniacally state the following:
Setting aside the seaman’s inbred horror of fire at sea, you have the exactly correct operational imperative detailed in re cleaning of the aforementioned cover (it’s NOT a hat, you know). I laughed all the way to the fire bottle.
Bravo Zulu!
Hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!!!