Knee Deep in the Hooah!

I wrote most of the following while drinking Sniper’s Brew Colombian Supremo and eating a couple of Krispy Kreme donuts.

Images of male parts (I’ll try to keep this PG-13) ravaged by syphilis and gonorrhea are flashed on the screen at the base theater while our predeployment brief is under way for Exercise Cobra Gold. Our Battalion Surgeon warns our men and women of one of the most dangerous situations they are most assuredly going to experience in Thailand, “L I B E R T Y”. So on she briefs the basic facts. Yes, we recommend moral congruency, and the consequences from deviating from the trail are devastating, and no there is no 100% guarantee short of abstinence. As the XO of the Battalion I’ve been given free reign to interject myself at these events.

From the back of the theater I interrupt the presentation which is now stopped on a particularly gruesome image. I walk down to the front and address an audience which is packed to capacity. Our Battalion Sergeant Major is not present at the moment which implies free reign of my mischievous nature, a nature on which he sometimes attempts to encourage restraint.

I pick out one of our younger Marines and newer arrivals to Okinawa. It’s not difficult finding one that looks more than a bit rough around the edges, horseshoe haircut more extreme than a typical “high and tight” and a fair share of tattooed skulls and flame engulfed bulldogs. Plenty of candidates actually, but I zero in on this one and ask him, “Think you can finish these?” Krispy Kremes, I hand him a dozen. “Don’t take them if you can’t finish them in the next couple of minutes and you can’t share.”

“Aye, Aye Sir!” – he begins to demolish the contents.

My first attention gainer is delivered and I’m ready to engage the greater audience, I wake up the crowd. I thunder out my next question as I ask our Battalion Surgeon, “How long have you been treating me for herpes?”

I’ve got their attention and inspire some uncomfortable movement in the seats.

“Sir, since I’ve been with the Battalion?” she replies.

“And who gave me herpes?” I continue.

“I’m not sure, Sir” her response.

“From my mother?” I ask. Clearly a more uncomfortable audience. “From my father?”

Now even the seniors are a little more than concerned with where this is going.

“How ‘bout from another relative, a grandparent, a sibling, a teacher, a friend?”

“Sir, it could have been from any one of them. As I understand it you’ve been dealing with this situation from early childhood.”

“Yeah, my best guess is since about second grade.” I wait for a few moments and so does she. “Cold sores!” I again boom the response and pause for effect. “I’m damn mad I get cold sores once in a very rare occasion. As a young kid it was likely passed on to me by my parents but I’m not really sure and the reality of where I got them from doesn’t change my life’s circumstances.”

I notice the donuts have been demolished but I ask anyway, “And how are those donuts coming?” My subject matter didn’t curb the eager Marine’s appetite but my assessment is he ate one or two more than he really wanted.

“You know the moral of the story is there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about getting cold sores, but those of you in this audience clearly have a choice, and the decision may have life long consequences.” Did he say, “cold sores?” The parallel has caused some confusion that the Battalion Surgeon will have to elaborate on but I’m on to my second point and don’t have the stage much longer.

“We’re about ready to break for lunch and I’m going to take this young warrior with me to the Officers’ Club and feast on all the lobster and steak he can eat. Now I’m sure the donuts were good, but who can pass up lobster and steak?”

A bit of a dejected look from the Marine. “What, aren’t you hungry for steak and lobster?” I ask directly.

“Sir, I’m not really hungry.” An almost mumbled response.

“How ‘bout sounding off, what did you say?”

“Sir, I’m not really hungry, Sir.” Some scripts actually read as planned. I turn back to the audience and launch into a small soliloquy to the Marines. It’s not everything but the meat of it goes like this:

“Many of you know that I’m getting ready to retire soon. I want to take this opportunity to share with you that I made some decisions early on in my life in the Corps. When I was 19, when I was young, but smart enough to know that there were consequences in life, I thought about these things. I’m getting ready to do what I call enjoy the bread at the end of the day. What grain have I sown and am prepared to harvest? When I married my wife as a young Corporal in Panama I didn’t want her to have any competition. So I’m going to enjoy my steak and lobster and this young Marine’s going to have to be satisfied with a box of donuts and the consequences. He didn’t know the set up but you do. I hope you choose steak and lobster.”

Everything’s not explained in a linear fashion but I’ve said enough and the Battalion Surgeon can finish her brief and answer questions. I begin to leave but before I do I can’t resist making it crystal clear.

“There’s a reason after almost 20 years of marriage I’m still chasing my bride’s skirt around the house; she’s the only game in town.”

I’m not sure I’ve been completely cogent but as I left I was encouraged by one Marine’s sidebar to another.

“No dumb ass, the XO doesn’t have Herpes.”

With Utmost Respect ~ Semper Fi, Hank

Disclaimer: {I’ve taken a few liberties to protect the innocent, if there is a statue of limitations and any criminalities then all stories are a work of fiction. The characters do not exist except in the mind of the author and any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Truth is stranger than fiction and my lawyer advised me to include the above. For those that were there…, Semper Fi}

Used by permission KDH Copyright © 2009 Sniper’s Brew All Rights Reserved.

A side note about Cold sores that I got from WebMD.

Cold sores are caused by the herpes simplex virus (HSV). There are two types of herpes simplex virus: HSV-1 and HSV-2. Both virus types can cause lip and mouth sores and genital herpes. The herpes simplex virus usually enters the body through a break in the skin around or inside the mouth. It is usually spread when a person touches a cold sore or touches infected fluid-such as from sharing eating utensils or razors, kissing an infected person, or touching that person’s saliva. A parent who has a cold sore often spreads the infection to his or her child in this way. Cold sores can also be spread to other areas of the body. The herpes simplex virus that causes cold sores cannot be cured. After you get infected, the virus stays in your body for the rest of your life. If you get cold sores often, treatment can reduce the number of cold sores you get and how severe they are.