Knee Deep in the Hooah!

Six Flags Over Jihadist – Special Edition

I wrote most of the following while drinking Sniper’s Brew Irish Cream.

Maybe we could get Robert Deniro to reprise his roll as Craig Fenson?

Janet Napolitano: Ladies and Gentlemen, too long have we looked at terrorism in a linear fashion and limited ourselves by refusing to compromise. This war is a war of give and take. If all the terrorist really wish for ultimately is to be introduced to Allah, then it is my sincere desire to afford them the opportunity. May I further suggest, in this time of economic turmoil, let’s not see the glass as half empty, but take advantage of the good that can come from capitalism and fulfilling the life long desires of those who wish to destroy to us. Today, I announce the return of Craig Fenson, not as our spokesman for the office of Homeland Security, but now in his new role as Director of the Make A Death Wish Initiative*.

Craig Fenson: Good afternoon. During the past several months and under the guidance of a new administration, I’ve been working with terrorist engineers on the Make A Death Wish Initiative. Through open dialog and an introspective synopsis of equatorial boundaries we discovered that terrorists really just want to have fun. Former Guantanamo detainees have been gainfully employed in the creation of an amusement park that has been tailored to the unique specifications of the ‘targeted’ audience.

Reporter #1: Do you mean to say that you’re actually creating a theme park for terrorists? Are you charging them admission?

Craig Fenson: Absolutely. It’s Capitalism 101, pay to play. Why not channel funds ordinarily dedicated to nefarious endeavors and create a vehicle for their use to a more productive and mutually agreed upon outcome? Core to this philosophy is that many suspected Arabic countries don’t really want to fund, harbor, or support terrorists but do so out of a reluctant sense of obligation. Our park is meant to be a release from this burden… kill two birds with one stone. “Send a terrorist to Funland!”, it has a nice ring to it. We’ve already received tremendous support from the United Nations. Syria quite frankly was looking for a prestigious post since the heady days of their membership to the UN Commission on Human Rights. They were actually the first country to throw their burka in the ring.

Report #2: What is the name of this amusement park?

Craig Fenson: We’re currently considering a few names but may have some trademark considerations to vet through the approval process. Our top choices are 1) Six Flags Over Jihadist 2) Virgin Kingdom and 3) Bush Gardens

Report #3: Are we to understand you already have a location?

Craig Fenson: We took advantage of Michael Moore’s latest trip to Cuba. Raul’s a little more progressive than Fidel and has already agreed to extend the mine fields to incorporate at least half of the park.

Reporter #4: Can you tell us about the rides?

Craig Fenson: In addition to traditional standbys like the Octopus, Tilt-A-Whirl, and Pirate Ship we added a bit of a variation of a theme with the Ferris Wheel of Death. Our flagship rides however are designed to be onetime events so you’ll have to choose between our Roller Molotov Cocktail Coaster, Reverse & Release Bungee, or the Bumper Bomber Cars.

Reporter #5: Do you have anything for children?

Craig Fenson: While we understand that terrorists traditionally like to include their children, we currently haven’t agreed to the submission of the Car-bomb-ousel, Merry-go-Death Around, or the Teacups & Hemlock. Last question, please.

Reporter #6: Does the Park have a Theme Song?

Craig Fenson: Actually it does. Let me sing it for you.

Oh you pretty Kiddie Kiddie Bang Bang,
Kiddie Kiddie Bang Bang
We love you.
And, in
Kiddie Kiddie Bang Bang
Kiddie Kiddie Bang Bang
What we’ll do.
Near, far, in our explosive car Oh what a happy time we’ll spend.
Bang Bang Kiddie Kiddie Bang Bang
Our fine four fendered friend.
Bang Bang Kiddie Kiddie Bang Bang
Our fine four fendered friend.

Bang Bang Kiddie Kiddie Bang Bang
Our fine four fendered friend.
You’re sleek as a thoroughbred.
Your seats are a virgin bed.

Oh you pretty Kiddie Kiddie Bang Bang,
Kiddie Kiddie Bang Bang
We love you.
And, in
Kiddie Kiddie Bang Bang
Kiddie Kiddie Bang Bang
What we’ll do.
Near, far, in our explosive car Oh what a happy time we’ll spend.
Bang Bang Kiddie Kiddie Bang Bang
Our fine four fendered friend.
Bang Bang Kiddie Kiddie Bang Bang
Our fine four fendered friend.

With Utmost Respect ~ Semper Fi, Hank

Make A Death Wish Initiative* ” We love death…” -Nasrallah by Claire

Used by permission KDH Copyright © 2009 Sniper’s Brew All Rights Reserved.